ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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