You made me cry and you don't even care
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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