Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
