i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
