My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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