I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
