insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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