No awkward lesbian experiences without me
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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