those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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