1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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