12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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