someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
