Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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