Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
