I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
