just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
