I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
