just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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