he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
