I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
