so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
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