What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
