there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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