He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
