I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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