the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i was born a porn star she said
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
