i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
