Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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