I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
