Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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