rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
