I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize