She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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