I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
