...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
