stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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