go do what you do best...puke behind churches
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
