He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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