My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
When are your genitals available?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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