dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
