Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
