When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
