And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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