6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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