i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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