SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
