the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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