I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
