I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
