I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
