So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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