let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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