I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
