I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You made out with two different species that night
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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