Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
