JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
there was a trapeze. enough said
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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