I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Then you guys just all showered together...?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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