She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
