if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
