Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
