Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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