It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
