i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
