That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
