You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
