6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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